By Natasha Lamalle Photography
At some point in your planning, someone is going to ask: “Are you doing a first look?” It might be your photographer, your planner, your maid of honor who’s been watching too many wedding reels. And you’ll probably feel like there’s a right answer, like this is a test you can pass or fail.
There isn’t. But there is an honest conversation worth having, and after photographing hundreds of weddings in Washington DC and the surrounding area, I have thoughts. Here’s my actual take.
What Is a First Look?
A first look is when you and your partner see each other privately, intentionally, before the ceremony, usually with just your photographer present. It’s become increasingly common over the last decade, and for good reasons.
But it’s not for everyone. And the way it’s often executed drives me a little crazy.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
The Case For a First Look
I’ll say this clearly: if you are an anxious person, a first look is one of the best things you can do for yourself on your wedding day.
Walking down the aisle in front of everyone you love, knowing your partner hasn’t seen you yet, that’s a lot of pressure. For some couples, the anticipation is part of the magic. For others, it’s just anxiety they’re carrying for hours before the ceremony even starts.
A first look dissolves that. You get a private moment to breathe, to see each other, to say whatever needs to be said before the day really begins. By the time the ceremony starts, you’ve already had your moment. You’re not holding everything in, you’ve already let it out. Beyond the emotional case, the practical case is real too:
It gives you more time for photos. When you’ve already done your couple portraits before the ceremony, cocktail hour becomes cocktail hour. You’re actually there with your guests instead of disappearing for an hour of portraits. Your timeline breathes.
It reduces the gap between the ceremony and the reception. No long wait for guests while you’re off taking photos. The day flows more smoothly.
It creates a genuinely beautiful, private moment. When it works, it really works. Two people, a quiet corner of a venue, no audience. Some of the most tender images I’ve ever taken were from first looks.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
The Case Against (And the Problem With How They’re Usually Done)
My personal preference, if you’re asking, is the ceremony reveal. I love a good “see you at the arch.” There is something irreplaceable about the moment you turn and see your partner for the first time at the end of that aisle, in front of everyone who loves you both. The guests are witnessing it, your families are witnessing it, and the reaction is real, it’s shared, and the room holds it together. That’s hard to replicate in a garden, full sun, at 2 pm.
But here’s what bothers me more than the timing: it’s the staging.
You’ve seen it. One partner stands with their back turned. The other walks up behind them. Someone, maybe the photographer, the planner, or a well-meaning bridesmaid, says, “Okay, tap them on the shoulder.”
And then the tap-tap-tap happens, and both people feel slightly ridiculous, and the first thing they do is look at each other and laugh nervously because the whole setup is a little awkward. Because it is a little awkward. It’s not a natural way for two humans to interact on one of the most emotionally charged days of their lives.
I don’t do that. When my couples choose a first look, I find a good spot with good light, and I don’t position them. Instead, I step back. I give them space to have their moment without me hovering over it, directing traffic. My job is to be there when it happens, not to choreograph it. The best first looks I’ve photographed happened when I got out of the way.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
What About Family First Looks?
I get asked about this sometimes: should we do a first look with a parent? A dad seeing his daughter before the ceremony?
My honest answer: no. And here’s why. When I photograph a dad seeing his daughter for the first time in the bridal suite, his reaction is real and unguarded. He’s not thinking about what to do with his hands or whether he’s emoting correctly; he’s just feeling it, in front of everyone, in the moment it actually happens.
I’ve been present for staged first looks with fathers, and about half the time, the dad looks up at me and asks what he’s supposed to do. That question alone tells you everything. The moment he’s thinking about his role in the scene, he’s no longer just a father seeing his daughter. He’s a participant in a production.
Non-Traditional Alternatives Worth Considering
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
If you want the emotional intimacy of a first look without the staged reveal, there are two alternatives I genuinely love.
The first touch. You and your partner stand on opposite sides of a door or a wall, reach around, and hold hands, without seeing each other. You can talk, cry, and read letters to each other. You get the private connection and the shared nerves without the visual reveal.
Exchanging letters. Each of you writes a letter to the other, delivered the morning of the wedding by a bridesmaid or groomsman. You read them privately, separately, and then come together for the ceremony, carrying whatever those words stirred up. No staging required.
Both of these give you a moment that’s yours before the day gets loud, without asking you to perform it for a camera.
So, Should You Do One?
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
Do a first look if:
- You’re prone to anxiety and want to settle your nerves before the ceremony
- Your timeline is tight, and you need the portrait time before the ceremony
- You want a genuinely private moment with your partner before the day gets away from you
- You’re having an evening ceremony with limited post-ceremony light
Skip the first look if:
- The ceremony reveal is something you’ve always imagined, and it matters to you
- You want your guests to witness that first reaction together
- You have enough time in your timeline for portraits after the ceremony
- You want the ceremony to carry its full emotional charge
There’s no wrong answer. What matters is that the decision is yours, not the one that photographs best, not the one your photographer prefers, not the one that’s trending on Instagram right now.
When we get to your pre-wedding questionnaire at the two-month mark, this is one of the things we’ll talk through together based on your specific venue, timeline, and what you actually want the day to feel like.
Want to understand how this decision affects your wedding day timeline? Download my free 5 Wedding Day Timeline Examples, it shows both first look and non-first look timelines, so you can see exactly how the day unfolds either way.
