By Natasha Lamalle Photography
Some of the most memorable moments I’ve photographed at weddings had nothing to do with the couple. A four-year-old ring bearer stopped halfway down the aisle to wave at someone he recognized. A flower girl who decided to skip instead of walking. A child who had no official role but somehow ended up in every important photo because she refused to leave her parents’ side.
Kids bring something to a wedding that no amount of planning can manufacture — genuine, unscripted emotion. When they’re included intentionally, that energy becomes part of your story. When they’re not, they find their own way in anyway.
Whether you’re blending families, marrying with children already in the picture, or simply want the little people you love to feel like they belong on your day, here’s how to do it well.
Before the Wedding: Get Them Involved Early
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
If a child understands that your wedding is something they helped create, they’ll show up differently on the day. It doesn’t take much.
Bring them to the cake tasting. Let them vote on a flavor. Have them help stuff and seal the invitations. If they’re old enough, take them dress shopping. Kids have strong opinions, and they love being asked.
This is especially important in blended family situations. When children feel like participants rather than guests at something happening to their family, it changes the dynamic. The wedding stops being an event that marks a change in their life and starts being something they were part of building.
The Morning Of: Let Them Be Part of Getting Ready
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
The getting-ready portion of a wedding day is one of my favorite things to photograph, and one of the most overlooked opportunities to include kids.
If your children are old enough, let them get ready alongside the wedding party. Even something small, having their hair done, picking out their shoes with you, watching you get into your dress, makes them feel included in a way that carries through the whole day. The quiet moments before the ceremony are often the most tender ones, and having your child there for them is something you’ll both remember.
For younger kids, even a short visit during the morning, before things get hectic, can be enough to ground them and make them feel connected to what’s happening.
During the Ceremony: Give Them a Real Role
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
This is where inclusion matters most, and where there’s more room for creativity than most couples realize.
The classics work for a reason. Flower girls, ring bearers, junior bridesmaids, junior groomsmen; these roles exist because they work. Kids love having a job with a title. Even a very young child can walk down the aisle holding a sign or a small basket, and the photos are always worth it.
Think beyond the traditional. Some of the most moving ceremony moments I’ve witnessed involved children in unexpected roles:
- A child walking a parent down the aisle
- Kids are doing a reading together
- A child singing or playing an instrument during the ceremony
- Older kids serving as ushers or officiants’ assistants
Include them in a unity ceremony. If you want to mark the moment your families are joining, not just the two of you, consider a unity ceremony that explicitly includes your children. A family sand ceremony, where each person pours a different color into a shared vessel, is one of the most beautiful ways I’ve seen this done. Some couples use a family medallion ceremony, with vows that speak directly to the children. Others simply have the kids stand with them at the altar.
If you go this route, consider giving them a few words to say, or a small gesture that’s theirs alone. Children rise to the occasion when they’re trusted with something real.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
A note on very young kids: If your flower girl is two, your ring bearer is three, or your children are at the age where meltdowns are possible, plan for it. Have a trusted adult nearby whose only job is to be their safe person. Build buffer time into your ceremony. And let go of the idea that it needs to go perfectly. The moment a toddler abandons the plan and runs to their parent at the altar is the moment everyone in the room will remember forever. I’ll be ready for it.
At the Reception: Make Space for Them to Celebrate Too
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
A long reception can be hard for kids, too much waiting, sitting, and adult conversation. A little planning goes a long way!
Give them their own moment on the dance floor. Ask your DJ to throw in a song or two that’s just for them, something they’ll recognize and lose their minds over. Watching a group of kids take over the dance floor while the adults cheer them on is one of my favorite things to photograph.
Set up an activity station. A small table with coloring pages, games, or crafts gives kids something to do during the parts of the reception that aren’t designed for them. It also keeps them happy long enough for you to get through dinner and speeches without anyone melting down.
Create a kids’ menu. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; even just labeling a few familiar options as “the kids’ menu” makes children feel seen. Add a mocktail with a fun name, and you’ll have fans for life.
Acknowledge them in the toasts. If you have children together, or if you’re blending families, consider asking someone to raise a glass to them specifically during the speeches. Or say their names yourself. It takes ten seconds and means everything to a child who is watching you get married.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
A Note on Blended Families
Including kids in a blended family wedding deserves its own conversation, because the emotional stakes are higher and the logistics are more complex.
Children in blended families are often navigating complicated feelings about the wedding: excitement, loyalty conflicts, and grief over the family structure that existed before. The best thing you can do is involve them early, give them real roles, and make sure they hear directly from you, not just through the program or the seating chart, that they matter on this day.
Some couples write personal vows to their children alongside their vows to each other. Others do a private moment with the kids before the ceremony begins, separate from the first look, just to connect. One of my couples gave each child a small gift that morning, a piece of jewelry, a keepsake, that marks the day as theirs too.
As your photographer, I’m always watching for these moments. Tell me which children are in your wedding and what they mean to you. I’ll make sure we capture it.
By Natasha Lamalle Photography
Planning your wedding day and wondering how it all fits together? Download my free 5 Wedding Day Timeline Examples. It covers everything from the morning getting-ready through the last dance.
